Have you ever asked the question:
“How do I deal with self-loathing? I can’t seem to stop hating myself? This makes me depressed.”
If you look at this question carefully, you’ll see more than one person spoken about. Who is “I”, who is “myself,” and who is “me“?
The problem is not the actual depression, since everyone experiences depression at some point in life (and some people more intensely than others). The real problem is identifying with the depression and becoming the “depressed person” who you loath.
At your core, you are not “depressed.” At your core, you are a present, powerful, metaphysical being inhabiting a molecular and temporal body. Though you experience depression, you are not identified by its emotion, feeling, or pain. This doesn’t just apply to depression, it also applies to ecstasy – depression and ecstasy are two sides of the same coin. In essence, you are not what you feel or experience.
“You” can’t deal with “your” depression. How can you if you are depressed? As the old saying goes, “The blind cannot lead the blind” or in other words, the sleeping person cannot consciously awaken himself.
Self-loathing, self-hatred, and depression is often a matter of learned perspective, familial and cultural conditioning, and false expectations, which is why the negative perception feels deeply rooted in the mind and body. To unlearn it, you’ll need to rediscover your core being in a state of silence and stillness, and awaken to the fact that you are not identified by depression. You only experience depression, and perhaps hold tightly on to it, unconsciously.
Self-loathing is a loathing of your current perception of self. You’re not loathing you, you’re loathing your idea of “you.” And that isn’t necessarily bad if you’re aware of this perspective. Take a look, as an objective observer, at what you loath:
Are you disgusted by a particular behavior, thought pattern, appearance, experience, apparent failure, or habit? Identify the target, or targets, of your loathing. Then, separate your “self” from whatever that is. You’ll discover that you are not your habit, appearance, body, behavior, thoughts, feelings, emotions, or mixture of any of these factors. All of these things you have learned from a young age, and many involuntary experiences have helped influence such personal components to manifest into what you consider “you.”
The way to “deal” with depression” and to stop “self-loathing” isn’t to fight nor attempt to fight the negative condition. Instead, observe the condition, but don’t identify with it. Mindfulness and meditation have been used throughout history to address this deceitful condition. As soon as you separate yourself from the actual feelings and internal adversities, you’ll experience a freedom you may not have felt since childhood.
Perhaps it’s been a long time since you’ve felt complete freedom from the stronghold of depression. If so, remember to not fight, argue, battle, or struggle with it. Instead, observe it and welcome it as any other experience.
Whatever you may be thinking about yourself. Those thoughts are not “you” and they are only thoughts, no matter how real or authoritative they may seem.
