A person asks:
“My self-centered fiance left two months before the marriage. What can I learn from this?”
My Answer:
That may have been a painful experience. But you can certainly learn from it, and grow into a stronger, more resilient person.
Foremost, I notice the description “self-centered” in your question. Ask yourself, “Why did I use this label?”
Was your fiance truly “self-centered?” Aren’t we all “self-centered”? These are only questions and do not imply wrong or right. The point is to try to perceive the situation differently, because all experiences can be viewed from a different lens (ideally a more positive lens).
As painful as that experience may have been, or still is, you can see this experience as a gift. Perhaps your fiance revealed his/her true feelings before drawing you into a legal commitment…and perhaps he/she did this unconsciously. You may be hurt by what happened; but there is definitely someone out there who would respond differently in the same situation.
Engaged to your finance, another person may have reacted with complete joy in response to the breakup. Their perspective would be something like, “Hell yes! I’m so glad I found out their true intentions and feelings before committing my life to this person. I need to call them and thank them for not marrying me. It sucks, a little, that I spent two years with that person, but in truth I enjoyed a lot of that time and I have so many more years to live and experience life to the fullest. I dodged a potentially terrible marriage and am so grateful I found out last minute.”
And someone else may respond with, “Oh well. I think I’ll order a pizza and then start a new book tomorrow. It feels good to not be attached to him/her anymore. Actually, this feels really good.”
So, I’d say that you can learn:
-There are always better ways to perceive a negative situation.
-You can turn a negative into a positive, any time you wish.
-Someone else would react and respond differently (for better or worse).
-Emotional attachment often leads to disappointment (this is a basic teaching of eastern philosophies)
-It helps a lot to find something(s) to be thankful for in every situation.
-The most important thing now is to live…in the present.
-A new life and world has just opened up to you. The possibilities are endless.
-And…you get to learn tons about your inner self. The greatest treasure is what you find inside.
